I read a story on the internet today about a pair of tortoises, Bibi and Poldi.  According to the story, Bibi and Poldi grew up together and eventually became a tortoise couple They’ve been together for 115 years, until recently that is.  Apparently something has happened to drive a wedge between the romantic reptiles.  As I read the article I found myself dwelling on what might have happened to split up the happy couple.  This is what I’ve come up with:

10.  Poldi finally decided to tell Bibi he didn’t like her vegan meatloaf.

9.  Bibi announced that after 115 years of doing all the cooking it was Poldi’s turn to cook . Poldi said forget it!

8.  Having heard each other’s stories well over 100 times, solitude was better.

7.  After a century of her being a little bit country and him being a little bit rock and roll, they just didn’t want to make music together anymore.

6.  Poldi mistakenly admitted that shell made Bibi look fat.

5.  Both Bibi and Poldi blamed each other for their poor performance during the Comcast auditions, which led to the Slowskys becoming the spokestortoises.

4.  Bibi finally got tired of Poldi flirting with every female zookeeper assigned to the reptile house.

3.  After working up the nerve for the last 100 years, Poldi finally asked Bibi if she would be interested in a three-way.

2.  Bibi announced that she wanted to explore her feelings for the other female tortoise at the zoo.

And the number one reason that tortoises separate?

1.  Poldi caught Bibi secretly reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”